“Easy For Me To Say.”; Walking the Delicate Line Between Empathic Pain and Empowering Perspective

Is it really a line? Only figuratively.
Even so, I say not fine, but delicate.
We can find ourselves on both sides at the same time.
At stake are raw emotions, precious human connections, and moral evolution

Never before have so many catastrophic events, happening in such a short span of time, affected the lives of people I love alongside those of countless strangers. Over these past weeks, we have had Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Irma, the earthquake in Mexico, and now Hurricane Maria. In places where I know no one, there are other situations like the tremendous flooding in Bangledesh. It has been unreal to see these events unfold one after the other.

Of course, in any given year certain events rock the world with rapid and wide-spread devastation, while every single day millions of individuals endure personal tragedies of their own. The size of an event or the number impacted does not necessarily mean more, or less, suffering to each individual soul impacted. These major events, however, catch widespread attention due to their magnitude and exposure. As news spreads, those of us on the outside become collectively glued to the TV or internet, watching the shocking events and/or their aftermath unfold. Our hearts ache, even to witness it all from afar and to see and hear the desperation.

As Spiritists, we have the wherewithal, at least in terms of conceptual knowledge, to grasp the purpose of these events. And yet, each time I personally thought about sharing those ideas over the last several days to help both myself and others think through them without despair, I would hear a voice in my head answering, “So easy for me to say.”  The voice of that delicate line.

I would picture myself or a loved one enduring one of those experiences and suffering tremendous pain in the process, and I could understand how someone would think, “Sure, it makes sense until it happens to you”. Most of all, part of me feared unwillingly seeming to minimize the hurt of so many.

Then along came a handful of acquaintances - Spiritist or not  - who put their thoughts out there reminding everyone of the higher perspective, attempting to help foster calm. I then realized that even though I shared in that same understanding, the public expression of such ideas helped not only others; it helped me too. And it’s important.

These natural calamities cannot be blamed on terrorists, political groups, or people of any particular kind or background; instead of dividing us they bring us together. They serve a higher purpose, as mother nature engages her defenses of self-renewal and natural law employs mechanisms for our (spiritual) renewal. Large numbers of compassionate people are moved to help strangers. Expressions of concern, care, and support are all around. We become kinder and more giving. We stop to reflect on what is truly important in life. And the immensely painful experiences of those most directly affected will, with time, prove to be transformational in the evolution of their immortal spirits.  Only the understanding of immortality and spiritual evolution can help us to understand how, through the worst of times, nature and natural law bring forth not only the best of us but also the best for us.  

  

Now, let me rephrase that last sentence. For some, but not all, they will indeed bring out the best. For all, however, they will offer numerous opportunities to let our best shine. As Spiritists, now is the time to walk the talk of compassion, of charity, of solidarity and love, as well as of hope and faith. And sharing the enlightenment of Spiritist teachings is not the most pressing need among the general population. At a time like this especially, it is - above all else – about action.

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If you can be one of the awesome and inspiring souls who take the time and opportunity to help in-person and contribute somehow that way, God bless you.

If you personally know people either directly or indirectly affected, be there to listen. Do not impose spiritual principles on the distressed. Instead, lovingly allow them to express their emotions, tell their stories, and grieve in their own ways. Support with your presence and vibrations.

If you can give financially or donate needed materials, give. Give what you can, maybe even sacrifice. You already gave with “the last one”? Give again. Entire towns and communities, in same cases even countries full of people are now in dire need.

If you can pray (who can’t pray?), do it. If you are on social media claiming “prayers”, do it. Take the time to get quiet and lift your thoughts to implore assistance from the spirit realm. Ask for comfort, care and outreach for those directly impacted - both incarnate and discarnate if such be the case.  If you are able to give in other ways in addition to prayer, then ask also for guidance and inspiration to you in your desire and willingness to be of service.

It is healthy to shed tears and feel pain for our brothers and sisters.
It is also healthy to reflect on the bigger picture from a spiritual perspective.

It is our duty to help.

Let’s be there for each other. Even as our hearts hurt, let’s use our knowledge, prayers, and compassion to find perspective and strength so that we can give our solidarity and love to others in their time of great need.

This is how we walk the “delicate line” between empathic pain and empowering perspective.

Thank you for reading.
 
Blessings to all, today and always
Heather

Taking A Step Back to Gather Perspective and Push Forward.

Ahhhhh, Spiritism…  the science, philosophy, and moral compass that I love so much and from which I have drawn strength and understanding on countless occasions. Where would I be today if were not for this blessing in my life?!  I don’t know, but one thing I am absolutely sure of is my immense gratitude for the opportunity to acquire this knowledge. 

There are times in life when something unexpected seems to hit us from “out of nowhere” - at least from nowhere within the range of our expectations. Whether disruptive acts of Mother Nature, unforeseen circumstances of life that leave us with a feeling of loss, or other events spawned by what strikes us as shocking choices, attitudes or behaviors of our fellow human beings, such events leave us bewildered, asking questions, perhaps making demands. In some cases, we may even find ourselves in a state of anger or fear. 

For some given period of time, a blow like this may threaten to knock us off balance, and it is not until time, faith, reasoning, an open mind, the compassion of others, personal resilience, or any combination of the above helps us to find our “center” that we press forward, with relative equilibrium. In these moments, we should turn to the resources that help us to do just that, and for me Spiritism is one of them.  

To me, it seems that only from the perspective of the immortal soul do certain things stand even a chance of making any sense, as painful as they may still be to endure. That said, it’s not simply that we are immortal. It is that life itself is multi-dimensional and that this particular material lifetime is but one of many - just a spec on the radar of our spiritual existence. Reincarnation is the key to understanding so much about life; but again, reincarnation, alone, is still not enough. The key is that we are evolving, each and every one of us. We are simultaneously on both our individual pathways and a greater, shared journey. 

This is, in part, why we have so much in common and, at the same time, so many differences. It also helps to explain why our collective progress is only a reflection of where we are as an entire group of diverse individuals, including both ends of any spectrum, no matter what aspect or characteristic we chose to measure. This was one of the thoughts behind the following statement I posted on Facebook last week.

I understand, however, that understanding a statement like the one above is probably not something that will happen without some background and foundation in the general principles of Spiritism. A true understanding, to the point of drawing strength and courage from such a concept, will likely only come through some amount of time spent actually studying and reflecting on the teachings found throughout Spiritist literature.

This is why I was so thankful, yesterday, to see this presentation which I’m sharing with you here since the recording is already available. If you are rather new to Spiritism, this video will give you a chance to see and hear some information and clarifications that may serve as at least one source of calmness in a moment of chaos, light in a space of darkness, or hope in a time of doubt or worry. If it at all resonates with you, then I would encourage you to explore further into Spiritism. 

For those who are already Spiritist, there are some great reminders here that help us to gather our thoughts and regain footing when we stumble over unseen obstacles inherent to a world in our planet’s current stage of spiritual transformation.

Experience of Immortality in Times of Transition
- Suzana Simoes

This timely presentation captures the essence of Spiritism so as to demonstrate just how Spiritism affords us invaluable insights on life and the process of transformation, and it calls upon us to put that knowledge into action.  

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Let us not become paralyzed, but mobilized. This is not “religious talk”. Nor is it ignorance. Likewise, it is neither blind faith nor a deaf ear. It is the application of an informed and rational faith to make sense of the world and to find the hope and courage to be that which we desire to see in the world around us.  

Don’t take my word for it. Check out the video.

Thank you for reading!
Blessings to all, today and always

More Isn’t Always Better: Spiritists Value Suffering But Do Not Seek It

More isn’t always better. Ironically, whether it’s a natural human tendency or more of a widespread cultural norm, we so often think that just because something is good in some way, it then behooves us to seek more of it. That is simply not true, but perhaps this is why there is sometimes a misconception, among those who make hasty assumptions without understanding well the teachings of Spiritism, that because Spiritists emphasizes the role of suffering in facilitating our spiritual progress we then seek out ways to suffer as if intentionally.

Just to set the record straight, Spiritists seek happiness, not suffering. This is what we are striving for. The more we study Spiritism, the better we understand how suffering helps our spirits, in the long run, to overcome barriers to the attainment of that happiness we so desire. Suffering educates, awakens, motivates, and inspires, yet the suffering we value is the suffering that finds its cause somewhere in our past, whether in this lifetime or before it. For those circumstances, we are then enlightened by Spiritism regarding the purpose of suffering, as well as what is required on our part to take advantage of its benefits. 

In no way do we seek further suffering as if in attempt to “capitalize” on it and reap its “greatest possible benefits”. This, in fact, would be contrary to divine law! Our ultimate goal is actually to minimize our suffering and maximize our joy, until the latter grows and swells like an ocean wave approaching the shore line, ready to wash away any remaining imprints from our painful past.  

Reflecting on this understanding, I am reminded of the famous Serenity Prayer, by Reinhold Niebuhr:

   God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 
   The courage to change the things I can, 
   And the wisdom to know the difference.

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Would you like to know more about the Spiritist understanding of suffering?  Here are a few resources for you to explore more:


Watch my talk entitled Understanding Suffering:

Read about The Meaning of Suffering on this ExploreSpiritism.com webpage:

Check out these articles regarding suffering on the NW Spiritism blog:

The Meaning of Suffering – How we should Use it to Improve Ourselves   Purified by Suffering – Rising out of Purgatory

Thank you for reading!

Blessings to all, today and always

Heather

Being There For Someone Who Is Grieving

"Holding Space"

I recently came across a Facebook post linking to an article in which the author offered opinions on what should and should not be said to someone who is grieving. I was interested in the subject because I think knowing how to respond can challenging. Have you ever found, when you were before someone experiencing grief, that your heart may have yearned deeply to express concern and offer comfort, but your lips struggled to form the words needed to verbalize your thoughts?

As I first scrolled through the myriad of comments that had poured in on that post, I realized two things right away. First, most of us probably have a hard time finding those “right” words. Second, as confirmed by the overall collection of comments going in every which direction, it became clear that there really just are no right words.  Of course, it’s almost impossible to take away someone’s pain the way we wish we could, and even if we can relate and/or sympathize, we can never truly know exactly what someone else is feeling and experiencing. Aside from that is the fact that the ways in which people respond (a) to their own grief, (b) to the reactions of others to their grief, and (c) to the grief of others around them, are all very personal and vary tremendously from one individual to another.  This is understandable, given our diverse perspectives, beliefs, backgrounds, and personalities, but I guess our differences are part of what makes reaching out so hard at times, and yet the strong, human drive to comfort and console still beg us to find something to say.  

And we should make the effort to find something to say, or to do. As human beings, we should reach out to one another to show care and compassion in each other’s times of need. Those familiar with Spiritism know that this concept is emphasized within its teachings. Likewise, Spiritist literature reminds us that while charity and compassion can and do include material assistance, they are, by definition, much more inclusive than that.

Ironically, on the very same evening that I came across the above mentioned fb post, I had previously opened at “random” to a particular page in Léon Denis’ book After Death (*Note: this title was previously translated and published as Here and Hereafter), where Denis was making precisely that point about the true and complete meaning of charity, and he wrote, “There are thousands of ways to be useful, to give our brothers some assistance. Money neither dries all the tears nor cures all the wounds. There are troubles for which a sincere friendship, a lively sympathy and demonstrations of affection will do much more good to the soul than any riches.” ¹

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I guess in seeing how people can feel so differently from one another upon hearing the same type of remark made in an attempt to show them solidarity, and knowing how challenging it can sometimes be to find the words I’m searching for to show someone that I care, I found it helpful to read from one commenter who said that the words she most appreciated, in her moment of grief, came from someone who simply told her: “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I’m here for you”.  These words may not reveal all we wish to convey, but they also do not pretend that we know what the other person is going through.  Nor do they unintentionally impose with a belief that is not mutually shared. Meanwhile, if expressed with sincerity, they do show honesty, concern, and dependability. Not for all circumstances, but something to keep in mind.

What can we do, though, when we want our actions to reveal what our lips cannot convey? If the time we will spend with someone in pain goes beyond that of a passing moment, how can we use that opportunity to be supportive?  Again, this can look markedly different, depending on both who is supporting and who is being supported. However, buried within all those mentioned comments I had been scrolling through was yet another link that a particular commenter shared. The link was to a blog post that I found quite insightful, and appreciating the helpful answers that it offers to those questions, I thought it was worth sharing.

The blog post blog post is entitled "What it means to ‘hold space’ for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well.” This, coincidentally, is also how I first learned of this relatively new term of “holding space”, which apparently is actually growing in popularity.   After reading about it, I would say that “holding space” refers to a gentle and helpful approach to “being there” for someone in his or her time of grief.

In her blog post, author Heather Plett walks readers through the concept of “holding space” with very real examples taken from her own personal experience, as she describes how someone special was there to do that for her and her siblings while they dealt with their mother’s last days and moments of life in the physical world. Her narration and explanations are both moving and revealing. I found the text to be one that I will hold onto and go back to. I wanted to share it because it is precisely when we are in our most vulnerable moments that we need one another’s compassion, whereby it is equally important that we know how to show one another that kind of loving support.  

In addition to that post, and due the overwhelming interest that people took in what she first had to say on the topic, Plett also went on to write complementary, follow-up posts, including these titles:

How to hold space for yourself first

Sometimes holding space feels like doing nothing

Sometimes you have to write on the walls: Some thoughts on holding space for other people’s personal growth

On holding space when there is an imbalance of power and privilege

Leave space for others to fill your needs

You can find the links to all of them in original post.

If you are interested in learning more about “holding space” and getting suggestions for ways to be there for someone in need of your support, I highly recommend those articles.

Thank you for reading!

 

Blessings to all, today and always

Heather

¹ from “After Death” (Chapter 47), by Léon Denis [original title in French: Aprés La Mort, published in 1889], translation published in 2015 by Centro Espirita Leon Denis (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil), in partnership with the United States Spiritist Council.