What We Need In School Instead of Mandated Prayer

For as much as I believe in God and the power of prayer, I’m often surprised by the calling for mandated school prayer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to the idea of people praying together in school, per se; truth be told, I’d be in favor of it *if* we all had the same spiritual beliefs. But we don’t. We are a very diverse society, not to mention the fact that we live in a country founded on a number of core principles, one of them being religious freedom. Our children come from different families and cultures, with different religious and non-religious backgrounds. Even that statement could open a whole separate discussion on what it means to religious, or event spiritual, etc. Therefore, while nothing should ever stop a child who wants to pray on his or her own from doing so, I find myself at odds with the idea of making group prayer an organized activity in a public school.      

Aside from the above, when I see people shaming the absence of mandated prayer time in school, I wonder to myself, how many of those protesters are stressing the importance of prayer at home, with their own children. The home is such important place for children to learn about spiritual and moral principles, as well as for parents who believe in the importance and utility of prayer to teach that to their children. Perhaps the energy spent trying to socialize a need for mandated prayer would be better invested if we were to encourage one another to make prayer a priority in the home. 

Furthermore, and perhaps even more importantly, an absence of prayer in school does not have to mean an absence of God. Without forcing anyone to pray or to pray in a certain way or with certain terminology, we can still bring God into our schools; we can do this through the very values we help our children carry as they walk into school each day and interact with their fellow classmates. We must take the time, at home, to teach our children (both by words and by example) about kindness, humility, respect, forgiveness, and patience. We have to educate them about the importance of empathy and helping others. We should encourage them to stand up for others unable to defend themselves. We need to help them develop courage as they face different challenges. We ought to instill in them a love of nature. And the list goes on.

In light of recent events in our country, I have seen this wording displayed on t-shirts, posters, and memes, as well as being illustrated in comics and used for points in debate. 

“Dear God,

Why do you allow so much violence in our schools?

Signed,"

- A Concerned Student.

“Dear Concerned Student,

I'm not allowed in schools."

- God

Well, in reality, God is always allowed in schools. Ironically, our religious freedom granted by the US constitution actually protects the rights of all individuals, including students, to pray on their own in and accordance with their particular beliefs should they desire to do so. I’m thankful for this because, as a Spiritist, to me prayer is very important. I believe it is important for children to be taught both why to pray and what it means to pray and that we as parents and other caretakers in their homes and spiritual communities should help them develop the practice.  Like the moral values mentioned above, children can take this with them wherever they go, including school. They can know that when they want to ask God for help from or give thanks, they only need to direct their thoughts to God or to their spiritual mentors.

That said, if God is allowed but not brought into school as we’d like, that is evidenced by different circumstances than what the above-mentioned wording alludes to. Instead,

if we taught children to be compassionate,

if we nurtured our children’s emotional intelligence and taught them kindness and respect, and

if we put more emphasis on resolving and preventing bullying,

then, with this to begin with, God would be more present than ever in our schools.

Furthermore,

if we could ensure that all children had the chance to learn on full stomachs and well-nourished bodies,

if we could make certain to include the arts as a part of every child’s education,

if our schools could be adequately staffed, with enough teachers for healthy class-sizes and with enough counselors to give children and parents the attention they need,

and more,

we’d go even further to bring God’s love to children and those whom we entrust with their care during some of the most formative years of their lives.

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Rather than prayer or even the mention of God by name in public schools, we sincerely need the essence of God – love and compassion. 

Thank you for reading.

 

Blessings to all, today and always

Heather 

“Easy For Me To Say.”; Walking the Delicate Line Between Empathic Pain and Empowering Perspective

Is it really a line? Only figuratively.
Even so, I say not fine, but delicate.
We can find ourselves on both sides at the same time.
At stake are raw emotions, precious human connections, and moral evolution

Never before have so many catastrophic events, happening in such a short span of time, affected the lives of people I love alongside those of countless strangers. Over these past weeks, we have had Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Irma, the earthquake in Mexico, and now Hurricane Maria. In places where I know no one, there are other situations like the tremendous flooding in Bangledesh. It has been unreal to see these events unfold one after the other.

Of course, in any given year certain events rock the world with rapid and wide-spread devastation, while every single day millions of individuals endure personal tragedies of their own. The size of an event or the number impacted does not necessarily mean more, or less, suffering to each individual soul impacted. These major events, however, catch widespread attention due to their magnitude and exposure. As news spreads, those of us on the outside become collectively glued to the TV or internet, watching the shocking events and/or their aftermath unfold. Our hearts ache, even to witness it all from afar and to see and hear the desperation.

As Spiritists, we have the wherewithal, at least in terms of conceptual knowledge, to grasp the purpose of these events. And yet, each time I personally thought about sharing those ideas over the last several days to help both myself and others think through them without despair, I would hear a voice in my head answering, “So easy for me to say.”  The voice of that delicate line.

I would picture myself or a loved one enduring one of those experiences and suffering tremendous pain in the process, and I could understand how someone would think, “Sure, it makes sense until it happens to you”. Most of all, part of me feared unwillingly seeming to minimize the hurt of so many.

Then along came a handful of acquaintances - Spiritist or not  - who put their thoughts out there reminding everyone of the higher perspective, attempting to help foster calm. I then realized that even though I shared in that same understanding, the public expression of such ideas helped not only others; it helped me too. And it’s important.

These natural calamities cannot be blamed on terrorists, political groups, or people of any particular kind or background; instead of dividing us they bring us together. They serve a higher purpose, as mother nature engages her defenses of self-renewal and natural law employs mechanisms for our (spiritual) renewal. Large numbers of compassionate people are moved to help strangers. Expressions of concern, care, and support are all around. We become kinder and more giving. We stop to reflect on what is truly important in life. And the immensely painful experiences of those most directly affected will, with time, prove to be transformational in the evolution of their immortal spirits.  Only the understanding of immortality and spiritual evolution can help us to understand how, through the worst of times, nature and natural law bring forth not only the best of us but also the best for us.  

  

Now, let me rephrase that last sentence. For some, but not all, they will indeed bring out the best. For all, however, they will offer numerous opportunities to let our best shine. As Spiritists, now is the time to walk the talk of compassion, of charity, of solidarity and love, as well as of hope and faith. And sharing the enlightenment of Spiritist teachings is not the most pressing need among the general population. At a time like this especially, it is - above all else – about action.

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If you can be one of the awesome and inspiring souls who take the time and opportunity to help in-person and contribute somehow that way, God bless you.

If you personally know people either directly or indirectly affected, be there to listen. Do not impose spiritual principles on the distressed. Instead, lovingly allow them to express their emotions, tell their stories, and grieve in their own ways. Support with your presence and vibrations.

If you can give financially or donate needed materials, give. Give what you can, maybe even sacrifice. You already gave with “the last one”? Give again. Entire towns and communities, in same cases even countries full of people are now in dire need.

If you can pray (who can’t pray?), do it. If you are on social media claiming “prayers”, do it. Take the time to get quiet and lift your thoughts to implore assistance from the spirit realm. Ask for comfort, care and outreach for those directly impacted - both incarnate and discarnate if such be the case.  If you are able to give in other ways in addition to prayer, then ask also for guidance and inspiration to you in your desire and willingness to be of service.

It is healthy to shed tears and feel pain for our brothers and sisters.
It is also healthy to reflect on the bigger picture from a spiritual perspective.

It is our duty to help.

Let’s be there for each other. Even as our hearts hurt, let’s use our knowledge, prayers, and compassion to find perspective and strength so that we can give our solidarity and love to others in their time of great need.

This is how we walk the “delicate line” between empathic pain and empowering perspective.

Thank you for reading.
 
Blessings to all, today and always
Heather

Being There For Someone Who Is Grieving

"Holding Space"

I recently came across a Facebook post linking to an article in which the author offered opinions on what should and should not be said to someone who is grieving. I was interested in the subject because I think knowing how to respond can challenging. Have you ever found, when you were before someone experiencing grief, that your heart may have yearned deeply to express concern and offer comfort, but your lips struggled to form the words needed to verbalize your thoughts?

As I first scrolled through the myriad of comments that had poured in on that post, I realized two things right away. First, most of us probably have a hard time finding those “right” words. Second, as confirmed by the overall collection of comments going in every which direction, it became clear that there really just are no right words.  Of course, it’s almost impossible to take away someone’s pain the way we wish we could, and even if we can relate and/or sympathize, we can never truly know exactly what someone else is feeling and experiencing. Aside from that is the fact that the ways in which people respond (a) to their own grief, (b) to the reactions of others to their grief, and (c) to the grief of others around them, are all very personal and vary tremendously from one individual to another.  This is understandable, given our diverse perspectives, beliefs, backgrounds, and personalities, but I guess our differences are part of what makes reaching out so hard at times, and yet the strong, human drive to comfort and console still beg us to find something to say.  

And we should make the effort to find something to say, or to do. As human beings, we should reach out to one another to show care and compassion in each other’s times of need. Those familiar with Spiritism know that this concept is emphasized within its teachings. Likewise, Spiritist literature reminds us that while charity and compassion can and do include material assistance, they are, by definition, much more inclusive than that.

Ironically, on the very same evening that I came across the above mentioned fb post, I had previously opened at “random” to a particular page in Léon Denis’ book After Death (*Note: this title was previously translated and published as Here and Hereafter), where Denis was making precisely that point about the true and complete meaning of charity, and he wrote, “There are thousands of ways to be useful, to give our brothers some assistance. Money neither dries all the tears nor cures all the wounds. There are troubles for which a sincere friendship, a lively sympathy and demonstrations of affection will do much more good to the soul than any riches.” ¹

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I guess in seeing how people can feel so differently from one another upon hearing the same type of remark made in an attempt to show them solidarity, and knowing how challenging it can sometimes be to find the words I’m searching for to show someone that I care, I found it helpful to read from one commenter who said that the words she most appreciated, in her moment of grief, came from someone who simply told her: “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I’m here for you”.  These words may not reveal all we wish to convey, but they also do not pretend that we know what the other person is going through.  Nor do they unintentionally impose with a belief that is not mutually shared. Meanwhile, if expressed with sincerity, they do show honesty, concern, and dependability. Not for all circumstances, but something to keep in mind.

What can we do, though, when we want our actions to reveal what our lips cannot convey? If the time we will spend with someone in pain goes beyond that of a passing moment, how can we use that opportunity to be supportive?  Again, this can look markedly different, depending on both who is supporting and who is being supported. However, buried within all those mentioned comments I had been scrolling through was yet another link that a particular commenter shared. The link was to a blog post that I found quite insightful, and appreciating the helpful answers that it offers to those questions, I thought it was worth sharing.

The blog post blog post is entitled "What it means to ‘hold space’ for people, plus eight tips on how to do it well.” This, coincidentally, is also how I first learned of this relatively new term of “holding space”, which apparently is actually growing in popularity.   After reading about it, I would say that “holding space” refers to a gentle and helpful approach to “being there” for someone in his or her time of grief.

In her blog post, author Heather Plett walks readers through the concept of “holding space” with very real examples taken from her own personal experience, as she describes how someone special was there to do that for her and her siblings while they dealt with their mother’s last days and moments of life in the physical world. Her narration and explanations are both moving and revealing. I found the text to be one that I will hold onto and go back to. I wanted to share it because it is precisely when we are in our most vulnerable moments that we need one another’s compassion, whereby it is equally important that we know how to show one another that kind of loving support.  

In addition to that post, and due the overwhelming interest that people took in what she first had to say on the topic, Plett also went on to write complementary, follow-up posts, including these titles:

How to hold space for yourself first

Sometimes holding space feels like doing nothing

Sometimes you have to write on the walls: Some thoughts on holding space for other people’s personal growth

On holding space when there is an imbalance of power and privilege

Leave space for others to fill your needs

You can find the links to all of them in original post.

If you are interested in learning more about “holding space” and getting suggestions for ways to be there for someone in need of your support, I highly recommend those articles.

Thank you for reading!

 

Blessings to all, today and always

Heather

¹ from “After Death” (Chapter 47), by Léon Denis [original title in French: Aprés La Mort, published in 1889], translation published in 2015 by Centro Espirita Leon Denis (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil), in partnership with the United States Spiritist Council.